Time Changes Everything

He brought me a tree
And strung it with lights
He's trying real hard
To make everything right.

My husband and I had lost connection, not affection for each other. So we decided after 5 weeks of separation and just talking and seeing each other rarely, to spend a few days together over the long Christmas weekend.

He surprised me with a little Christmas tree, knowing I love them most as part of Christmas. Love to sit in the dark with no other lights on other than the tree. We decorated it, and I'll enjoy it every day until it comes down.

We talked some, played music and games some, and watched movies. Just had a fun, relaxing time together. We'll see how things progress; so far, so good. Counseling helps; reading helps; time helps.

Till and I ended up in third place in the "Make 'Em Laugh" category of Broadjam.com's contest with our song 'Til I'm 93! We're happy.

So onward to a new year, the symbolism of which is more hopeful this year than others.

My mother would have been 85 today. Happy Birthday, Mama! I love you and still wish you were here.

The Missing Year

And so this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun.

From "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon

Have you ever had one of those years where you look back and ask, "Where the hell did THAT go?" That was 2010 for me. Yes, it happened, and yes, I remember it. I worked hard; stuff happened; I remember it all. But there's something about it that leaves me feeling it's MIA.

What have you done? What did you do? Or is the real question: What did you accomplish?

And what is accomplishment; success; indeed, time? It's different for all of us...the trick is figuring it out for ourselves.

That takes time, and it changes over time, and time is on your side.

Happy Christmas! And happier New Year.

And So This Is Christmas

And so this is Christmas...

And what have you done?

Another year over

And a new one just begun.

And so this is Christmas

I hope you have fun —

The near and the dear ones

The old and the young.

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let's hope it's a good one

Without any fear.

John Lennon

This Christmas

This Christmas will be the best Christmas

We have ever had.

Laughing and singing happily

With our friends and family

We'll kiss under the mistletoe this Christmas.

Okay, call me sentimental — or not — but we took down our tree today. It had been up for three weeks, and it was very dry. Time for it to go! Like I said earlier: the tree's the thing. We'll save our presents for Christmas and leave up our few other house decorations until Dec. 26. Then it's all back into boxes to wait for the mystery of whether I'll get another tree bee in my bonnet next year.

My mind is already on next year...but not as far as Christmas. Time to forge ahead into the rest of my life, which is much less time than I like to even imagine...but still, it's the rest of my life!

I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Ice

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,

But the fire is so delightful,

And as long as you love me so,

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Fire and ice. Funny how often opposite things go together so well. Happens with people, too. I expect that many children, especially grown ones, think that about their parents and wonder how the hell that particular union ever happened. And yet, it did, and here we are, replete with the memories, scars, laughter, and sadness of it all, proving what? The fire and ice combo worked anyway?

Yep. Life works. And Christmas comes around once a year. Last year, Jim and I didn't really have Christmas. We hung the wreathes Mom got when we moved here on the front porch, but no tree, no lights, no ho ho ho. Of course, we had presents, but we didn't do the trappings, and we truly didn't didn't miss them.

But this year I got the tree bee back in my bonnet. The pagans had it right early on -- the tree's the thing. This year I wanted a tree, and if I'm gonna spend good money on a dang dying tree, I'm gonna enjoy it for a solid month. Since our tree comes down no later than December 27, that means -- we put up our tree on November 30. Yikes.

It's beautiful! They always are. There's nothing like the smell, the lights, the feeling of a Christmas tree in the house. I put under it the toys from childhood I still have -- my Tiny Tears doll, Toodles; my one-eyed, eye-patched teddy bear Little Teddy; and my stuffed black lamb Cherry. (Hey, it has a pink pom-pom tail; what would you have named it -- Blackie?)

I put out a few other decorations from my family that I love, but we don't go whole hog. Just enough. I'm confident we'll get the snow, but it's still all not complete without a fire.

We only lived in Minnesota until I was about 5, so I don't remember if we had a fireplace. The small house we lived in in Grandview, Missouri, didn't have one either. But from the time Dad built us a house on 80 glorious acres outside the tiny town of Lone Jack, we had a fireplace. Mama insisted. She was from Texas, and she'd been COLD ever since she married Dad. Think fire and ice. Think opposites.

And when we moved into the Lee's Summit school district, Dad built us another house with a fireplace. One of my most vivid memory snapshots is of Mama warming her backside and hands in front of the fire. Even in Austin, Texas, where I lived for 30 years, I almost always had a fireplace. I'd play Tricky Dick and crank up the AC just to have a fire when I wanted one.

So we moved to Colorado into a house without a fireplace. I missed it...the dancing flames; the snap, crackle, and pop of the logs; the heat; the fire. Not anymore!!

Jim got me a fireplace -- for our TV. (I know, I know. Save it. I asked for it.) It's great! I put the DVD on full fire loop, and it cycles through a complete fire, from fire-up to embers. Yes, it even dances, crackles, and pops.

So this year for the Christmas season, here's what I'm doing almost constantly, since I work at a home office: I'm sitting in front of my gorgeous, real, Noble fir, with all the other lights off in the house, enjoying my fake fire, sipping Mouton Cadet red, and listening to Mike Metheny's beautiful version of "I'll Be Home for Christmas" on iTunes on our Mac. (You can get it on a Leonard Brothers CD....or ask me!)

If I'm working, I wait on the wine. And more than once, I've been surprised to hear a log fall in the fireplace, and I look up to make sure it hasn't popped sparks onto the floor.

And you know, if the plasma TV's been on long enough and/or you drink enough wine, even though you can't roast any chestnuts, you can still stand real close to the fire and warm your backside and your hands.

It's a hoot!!

'Tis the Season

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

'Tis the season to be jolly

Fol de rol de rol, oh fol de rol.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere we go. The holly's there, but there's not much jolly. So far, just about everyone I know is having quite a bit of emotional turmoil and trauma, mostly related to family situations.

Unless you deeply and truly buy into the religious aspect of Christmas, which probably most people will at least claim to do so they won't seem crassly commercial and shallow, the holidays can be special only in their increased amount of stress put on psyches and souls.

I like the crass commercialism of Christmas. I love the lights and colors and songs and sounds and all that stuff. I used to like presents more, too, but now I don't want another damn thing in my life to have to store. Bah, humbug. Still, I get presents and I like them after I have them. Rank hypocricy!

Mostly I love Christmas trees. Mostly my own, because I know every ornament we put on it, and it's heavenly to sit with only Christmas tree lights on in the house. I love the memories of childhood Christmases because they make me feel good. Mostly.

But often, all that is not enough to keep me jolly through the awareness of the underlying human condition. Wonder if that what's stopping much of the jolly everywhere this year?